I just may be...The reluctant feminist.

                                             

I LIKE to open doors for women. on rainy days, I LIKE to hold an umbrella for them. I LIKE pulling out chairs at the table. I LIKE paying for the ENTIRE meal when I take a nice young lady out on a date. I LIKE to do these things for women, because, well, I LIKE women. No, that is not quite true, I LOVE women. Period. Point blank. No other secret ulterior motives. I do not do these things because I think women are frail creatures who are incapable of doing for themselves. I do not pay because "the little lady" cannot afford to. I do these things because I like and want to do them. My father and mother raised me to believe that women are just as strong, smart and capable as any man, but they are also different from men. (If I need to explain said differences, you should stop reading now, click  HERE and come back to this after you have reached puberty.) Sorry, where was I? oh yeah, differences.  It is those differences that make women so special. Alas, in this age of gender equality, some women have come to believe that by doing the things I mentioned above, men are somehow intent on keeping women oppressed. These are not your average feminist who are truly fighting for the rights of all women. This is the small, but very loud, subset of feminist who take every perceived slight to the extreme. The feminist who seem to be looking for something to get mad about. Let’s call these women Feminazis. (Yes. I am aware of how insulting, infuriating and chauvinistic that sounds, but keep reading, it gets...better, if only by degrees). To the Feminazi, every attempt to pay for meal is an insult and every offer to carry a heavy load undermines the feminist movement and sets it back 80 years. It seems as if every opened door is an opportunity to put a male chauvinist pig in his place! “How dare you open a door for me sir? Am I not capable of opening my own door?”
 

How does one respond to such a challenge? As one who has been accused of sexist behavior for opening doors for women at work, I can tell you how I responded. I responded with a quickly mumbled apology while trying to explain that I am not a chauvinist, I am just a guy being polite and behaving in the manner in which my parents raised me. There was one other way in which I responded. I began to think twice before opening doors for women. You want to open your own door? Fine, have at it. You want equal treatment in all things? Fair enough, here comes the bill, I’ll pay my half, you pay yours. Raining out and I’m driving? Drop you off at the door so you don’t get wet? Nope, we both walk in the rain.

 

 

After thinking on my many interactions with feminist around campus, I began to get a bit angry and irritated. Why am I being judged negatively for my actions, when my intent is to just be a nice guy? Women like nice guys right? Is that not what we are taught? Advice blogs such as Dating with Dwight teach that women LOVE this kind of thing. So why is my experience ok? Why do they get to question my actions? What gives them the right, nay, the power to affect how I behave? Why do we have to live in a world where feminism and chivalry can not coincide?

I came to the conclusion that only I could give them this power over me. I decided I would not let these few extremist dictate how I would live. I looked up the definitions of both feminism and chivalry in the Oxford English Dictionary, so I could be well armed in my fight against the Feminazi.  I also decided to engage in more conversations on this topic and to also do a bit of research. It was during some of those “spirited” conversations that I began to see their point...if only a bit. Guess what? Maybe they were not JUST looking for things to get mad about. Maybe the things I consider small actually matter to them, as so explained in the blog Finally Feminism 101. They were not saying don’t open doors for me at all, they were saying don’t do it because I’m a female. Do it because I’m a human. Do it because we should be polite and nice and gracious to each other regardless of sex, race, religion, etc.

I concede these points as valid ones, but should I be yelled at for doing nice things when my intent is only to be nice? It is an easy thing to preach that we "be kind to all', but an entirely different thing to actually practice. I think the world has too little niceness as it is and when we encounter acts of kindness as we go about our busy, hectic lives, we should appreciate it for what it is. If we follow the Golden Rule, and treat others how we want to be treated, people notice. Your example may influence someone else to be kind and helpful, thus perpetuating something good.

 So, it turns out that I, very reluctantly, must admit that I agree with those feminist who stand up for the rights of all. Not the raging fanatics who are the loudest, angriest person in any given room, but those like Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie who, (you can watch her TEDx talk by clicking on her name) are intent on changing what it means to be a feminist across the globe. I agree with those who want true equality, not only in words, but in action.

Does this make me a feminist? I am not sure. What I am sure of is this, having an open mind and being willing to listen to the opinions of others, while at least attempting to understand their position, can only make one a better person. For this reason, I am grateful to the feminazis for at least helping to understand that maybe, just maybe...I am a feminist too.